Hero Incorporated

There is some interesting world-building here. I love the hero-making company concept. Though the piece needs a proofing and some revision. I’m not sure what the crisis is here. Why did the Meela decide to be a hero? What was wrong with her previous life? We get very little development on the character. The narrator is a bit too passive. I’d like to know more. There is a bit of fat that can be trimmed here for more character development and ambiguity. I don’t buy the line about nothing bad ever happening with the procedure, the legal paperwork being used preemptively. Our world has shown that legal procedures are always reactive. Maybe a hint at what went wrong in the past would build the tension; the character feels the risk but decides to go through with it anyways. And again, why? And ending with “fade to black” is almost never a good thing. Might be better to end with the characters thoughts, their expectations for the results of their decision? There is a lot to like here, but some room to improve as well. I will be following this writer expectantly.

R. Morgan Stories

Heroes aren’t born, they’re made. Welcome to Hero Incorporated.

That phrase was inscribed into every door, every hallway, every table, even in the bathroom stalls. The two guards didn’t let me linger for long enough to think about what it meant. They walked me out of the elevator an into an office. All I could feel was cold. The white light took color away from the people hunched over their desks. They didn’t look up as I walked past.

The guards stopped at a black door. I couldn’t read what it said over it, but I assumed it was the same phrase. They opened it. Inside, the room was black. The only light came from a yellow desk light. A man sat behind the desk with a black laptop opened and papers neatly stacked in front of him. An empty black chair was at the other side of the desk.

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